Outsourcing the Management of Human Interactions Turns Good Sense Into Dollars, Retention and Success. Workplace interactions cover a broad spectrum of behaviors, from simple texting all the way to major conflicts. But even the most rudimentary form of communication failure can cause mistakes. Research has shown conclusively that eighty percent of errors are caused by communication failure. While many workplaces need overhauls when it comes to their interactions and their culture, it is also common for some to need just the basics. Many of the businesses, especially the medical practices, that I have consulted with are filled with people who have devoted their lives to saving other peoples’ lives. They have not always spent much time learning how to interact effectively. Therefore, things like emails and meetings, while critical to their success, do not always get done right. Training by an expert in human behaviors and communication can improve interactions, effectiveness and efficiency exponentially. And having an outside Facilitator for business meetings from employee “task planning meetings” all the way to Owners’ strategic planning retreats can launch a company into a different dimension. Very few people have the skills to plan and run efficient, productive meetings. Add to the mix issues like personality conflicts, worry over hurt feelings, bullying and failed meetings and the forward movement and financial progress of a business can be halted. Outsourcing some skills pays for itself a million times over.
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From Goal Setting to Goal Getting!
Mindfulness in goal setting is so important because all we do in our lives has two formations. First, there is the one in our mind. We think, then imagine, then plan each action we take. We do not plan to engage in healthy, productive behaviors and then actually engage in unhealthy, unproductive behaviors. What we plan is what we get. It is very important to keep this fact in mind.
Second, there are actions. These follow the formation in our mind. And the actions will only happen the way they happened in our mind. So, the more mindful and planful our mind formation is, the more on target our actions will be. You must know in your heart and mind what you wish to accomplish before you act.
It is important in goal setting to start with the end in mind. First decide what the final product should look like. Where do you want to be in a year or two years? Write these goals down. Make sure you include goals for all aspects of your life, including career, family, friends, leisure, spirituality, and community service. Then write down the reasons for each of these goals. Be very honest with yourself here. This can give you valuable information about yourself and these reasons will be your motivation to keep going during difficult times. Some goals are very challenging to meet and will need very strong “rewards” to drive you toward them. And in the career area, hope that the word “love” appears as one of the reasons. Money alone will probably not keep you going without paying too high a price in another area. Remember that our true “calling” is where our greatest love meets the world’s greatest need.
The Truth?
When a behavior or behaviors stay the same and the reasons or explanations change, someone is not telling the truth. We don’t know immediately what the reasons are for the untruth. There was a series several years ago called “Lie to Me”, where the main character, Cal Lightman, was an expert in facial expressions and body language. He could read people. This skill came in very handy for legal purposes. But Cal always warned those who hired him that he could tell that someone was lying but could not give the reason. Detective work was necessary to uncover the person’s reasons. Many times, the underlying causes of the lie turned out to be self-serving and criminal, but many other times it turned out that the person was lying to protect another person or that they were extremely afraid of something or someone else.
Most of us know someone who is perpetually late and always has a different excuse. Many of us know someone who has been caught doing something and has several different “stories” depending on who they are talking to. If you are witnessing these changing-story people, the important point is to stop looking at the story and look at the fact that telling stories is all “smoke and mirrors.” The real issue is that the person has something they DO NOT want to tell! In the case of the perpetual tardiness, maybe the person is feeling a bit helpless in their life and has found their only source of power, making others wait. Or maybe they are having a very difficult time committing to anything, even to appointments. We cannot be sure. We just know that something is not right. If the relationship with this person matters to you then you may want to have an interaction about the lateness. And if the changing-story person has a position of power over others, especially if their position requires trust, it becomes critical to get to the bottom of what is not being said. It is even more serious when the underlying reasons for the stories are hurting others. The TRUTH becomes mandatory! We need to stop listening to the stories and ask, “Why are you telling stories?”
Dark Side Work
The saying, “We are only as sick as our secrets” is one that we hear in Twelve Step meetings frequently. But this truth is true in all of life. Take a look at the very prominent and well-known character, Anakin Skywalker, from the Star Wars films. He is the epitome of Carl Jung’s “dark side” theories. When we have secrets inside of us, if we do not own them, then they own us. Watch the YouTube clip, from “Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8QLKWvVK14, here to see how Anakin refuses to tell the truth about his thoughts, feelings and behaviors to the person who loves him most in the world. He insists on keeping his own counsel and he is clearly lying even to himself. Anything that stays in the shadows stays dark. All that is necessary is to shine light on it.
The very second that we own something dark and take the First Step of admitting that we have something inside of us that we have not been managing, we must take the Second Step, that of reaching out for help. One flashlight, especially when it is our distorted and running-on-empty, is not enough. Gather some extra lamplight and go forth into the beam.
Imagine you are a house and there is one room in you that never sees light, locked up and closed off. Eventually mold and germs would take over. As long as the room remained in the dark, it would be inaccessible and unusable, causing problems, no matter how light the rest of the house was. All that it would require is to open it up, shine some light and clean it out. The house would be whole again. Own that there is the dark and reach out to safe, caring people to help you keep that light shining. Remember in all avenues, we are Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience. That means we must always walk toward the light, but we need to do it with other Humans.
The Question?
To get help or Not to get help? That is the Question! When we have a problem, the “acid test” of whether we can fix it ourselves or not is simple. Ask yourself the question – Is it getting fixed? If not, then reach out and get help. We are anthropologically prepared to ask for help and therefore we are built to need it and accept it. Yet, so many people see it as a weakness. They fight the natural urge to reach out and admit that they need help with a problem. Those who see getting help from other people as a good quality, realize it is the greatest human strength. It benefits all involved. Research shows that asking someone for help increases the likelihood of bonding. It makes people feel needed and wanted and gives them an opportunity to serve. The help-seeker then gets to reap the miraculous benefits of reaching out, taking advantage of living in Solution Mode and the health-giving Social Connectedness it creates. Whether it be friends, family, support groups or a professional, reach out and touch someone!
Walk The Talk Living 